The inner critic is that persistent, relentless voice inside your head that loves to point out your flaws and shortcomings. It's like having a nagging coach, parent or partner who only sees the negatives. While it can sometimes drive us to improve, often, it drags us down and stifles our confidence. So, how can we turn this critic into a supportive inner voice that allows us to be more resilient, less anxious and happier?
1. Understanding your Inner Critic
First, it’s crucial to recognize that your inner critic often stems from past experiences, societal pressures, or personal insecurities. It's a defence mechanism meant to protect us from failure or rejection. However, when left unchecked, it can become toxic.
Studies by neuroscientists and clinical psychologists indicate that our inner critic evolved to help us regulate our social behaviour. When we don’t live up to our expectations or to the expectation of others in our social group we become self-critical. Our inner critic stimulates the same areas of our brain that fires up when we’re under attack from others. Our brains threat system in the anterior cingulate cortex and the amygdala, feels under attack and becomes activated. We attack ourselves as a way of self-regulation or to punish ourselves so we won’t do that again or will try harder to meet expectations next time.
When we are socially attacked, in person or via social media, our inner critic can be activated. Our brain feels such attacks the same as if they were physical attacks. We ruminate and often judge ourselves as much as the attacker –“What did I do wrong!” or “how did I get myself into this situation?” or “why didn’t I stand up to them” or “I am useless and weak!” Our inner critic voice can often punish us more than any social attack.
As a psychologist and executive coach, I can help you identify and understand your inner critic and provide strategies for managing it, so you can take back control and be happier, more resilient and less anxious.
2. Identifying the Voice
Start by paying attention to the inner dialogue. Is your self-talk harsh, judgmental, or demotivating? Is it a voice from your past, a parent, teacher, sports coach, teen group, or a manager. Sometimes it is our own voice, our own negative self who is the inner voice. One of the best ways to help identify the critical voice in your brain is to write down your thoughts and see if you notice any patterns, the tone, the words and style of language. This can help you identify the voice. Awareness is the first step in transformation.
3. Challenging Negative Thoughts
Once you’ve identified the critic, challenge it. Question the validity of these negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or just fears? Number the inner critic thoughts on a page, like a list and cross out the ones that are not logical. Then replace the remaining thoughts with a more balanced and constructive perspective on who you are and what you can do.
4. Practising Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as though you are talking to a friend. You might start by acknowledging your efforts, celebrating small victories, and forgiving yourself your mistakes. Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to the inner critic.
5. Affirmations and Positive Self-Talk
Incorporate positive affirmations into your daily routine. Phrases like "I am capable," "I am deserving of success," or "I am enough" -create a strong positive inner voice. This can help rewire your brain to adopt a more supportive inner voice.
In 1992, academics at the University of Montreal asked 46 students to play darts. One group was told to verbalise negative statements about themselves in-between throws. A second group were told to say nothing. A third group were told to verbalise positive statements about themselves between throws. The results showed that the third group, the positive statement group, improved and performed better than the other two groups. The negative group performed the worst. In sports psychology it is common practice to encourage positive self-talk and visualisation to help self-regulate the brain when placed in high pressure situations, like an Olympic event.
6. Surrounding Yourself with Positivity
The company you keep can influence your inner dialogue. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who uplift you. Their encouragement can help reinforce your new, positive self-talk.
7. Mindfulness and Meditation
Practice mindfulness or meditation as they help balance or quiet the inner critic. They allow you to observe your thoughts without judgment and create a space between you and your critical voice.
8. Setting Realistic Goals
Unrealistic expectations can fuel the inner critic. Set achievable goals and break them into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small.
9. Professional Help
Sometimes, our inner critic can be so overwhelming that it requires us to seek professional help. Therapists or coaches can provide strategies and support to help you develop a more constructive inner voice.
Conclusion
Transforming the inner critic into a helpful inner voice is a journey. It requires patience, practice, and persistence. Remember, you have the power to change your inner dialogue and cultivate a supportive, encouraging, and empowering inner voice. It’s a journey worth taking for a healthier, less anxious, more resilient and happier you.
If you need support changing your inner critic, contact Paul Saunders, Psychologist and Executive Coach, at paulsaunders@LNC.com.au
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